it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
