fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
