i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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