If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
