Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
