so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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