I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
