Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
