ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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