we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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