please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
