I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
