Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
