it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
