I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
love makes seman taste better
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
