There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
