My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
