I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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