Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
