making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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