So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
