just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
