I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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