Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize