ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
