So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
