She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
