you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
