The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
