you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
