Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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