...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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