I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
