I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
