he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
