He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
