The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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