xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
