yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
