Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
