Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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