can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is the high leading the old right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
