I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
