so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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