Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
