mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
