Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
