My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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