oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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