While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's like iHOP with fire
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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