Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
