i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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