i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize