Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
