my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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