I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
