You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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