is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
