worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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