i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
