thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
