Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
