He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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