the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
