You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
